That's why you go away.

It's more than a month I've lost the man I love. I try to figure out if it's a habit that I needed him, if it's a habit that he is always around me, if it's a habit of me, waking up to text him, telling him what am I doing for the day, if it's a habit to go to bed and tell him I am tired? And to lie to myself that it's a habit, when deep down I know it definitely wasn't a habit of mine.

I try my best to live my life thinking he no longer existed, I can't do it no matter how hard I tried to move on. No matter how hard I tried to tell myself it won't hurt me no more. I'm still crying over this broken relationship, I try my way to fix this broken heart. I try every way I could to get him, and the fact is maybe this time, I am really losing him totally.

I wished someone could tell me how to let go of this feeling, I wish someone could hug me and tell me everything's gonna be alright. I wish that he have never say those hurtful words to stir me in a mess. I wish he never say those hopeful words to keep me in the line.

I never once tried so hard to get over someone. The impact he gave to me was too big that I could barely handle, its like I lost part of me since he left. Though we still catch up once awhile since break up, but I know the reason he is here was because he is afraid of me doing stupid things. I know deep down inside him he cared for me too. But there's no way he could show me anymore...

I tried to understand him, I tried to keep myself as busy as I could. But there's always time I am all alone, thinking bout how did we ended. Thinking bout what I did wrong to deserve all this. I felt like it's killing me so deeply that I could barely handle it...

What else can I do to have him back? I don't remember how to smile since he is gone, I don't know what's like to be happy again...