Being a mom.

It's been long I actually seat down infront of my laptop to actually blog. So today since both my miniB & giantB is on bed now. I shall spent sometime writing about what it's like to be a stay at home mom.

I was on unpaid leave for the whole of this week. YES, WHOLE OF THE WEEK. I don't know how much I've actually miss staying at home. To be honest, if I have a choice, I would want to stay at home, do my own things, spending plenty of time watching my kids grow. But the society in Singapore, you definitely can't survive staying at home.

Everything is increasing, even now after #GE2015 is over, the school fee is raising. So, ya I can't afford to stay at home, especially I am not feeding just myself, but my two princess too. So this one week, I spent day and night doing endless of thing, so you think mother that doesn't need to work living a good life right?

Seriously, let me tell you. The clothing that you wear everyday, doesn't drop into washing machine by itself, you have to throw it in. At the same time the washing machine doesn't operate by itself, you have to operate it. So now, you think after the washing machine finish grinding your clothes, it will automatically hang your clothing to dry? Of cause not, you have to dry it up. So now, think about what your mom is doing at home. You think she eat and sleep daily? So, having a clean floor everyday, because no one actually dirty the floor? Excuse me, even infant will drop baby hair, not to say adults. So now, floor is full of hair, here and there. Someone got to vacuum it, and definitely wouldn't be you either. Is your mom. She does it, and she even mop it, so that the floor is good to step on, and even look shinny!

Yes, I am staying at home this one week, doing all the endless housework, cleaning every single corner of the house, at the same time spent plenty of time with both my girls. I use to have so much time with them everyday, till they go to bed. Now, every morning I've barely an hour with them, and during night I have barely two hour with them. Just because I've to work, and I had to sent them to childcare. So this one week definitely something different for me. I look at them, playing, chatting with one another, crying, asking for milk, asking for tidbits, play with them while showering together.

I've so much time with them. But obviously, I have to go back to work on Monday, and stop all my unpaid leave. As I am barely surviving this month, not to say next month. Life is tough for me, more tougher than you can expect.

I only gotten SGD700 last month, due to my unpaid leave, because miniB was down with HFMD follow up with high fever like roller coaster. Caused me to have so much unpaid leave. And I didn't even paid a single bill! So this month salary of cause I am not expecting alot, but sigh, it's gonna be worst than ever again.

Sometime I wish I could really have someone to understand what's going on around my life, and help me fix everything one by one. Instead of me, needing to carry so much thing on my shoulder. Sometime is so heavy that I almost fall.

And, my wonderful "husband" is definitely enjoying his life now, with his new Thailand girlfriend. He must be so happy that he no longer need to worry about bills at home, kids expense and so on. Ya, all the best to him, I will definitely succeed one day. Just time, is all I needed.

Please give me the strength to keep on going, keep on moving.

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Life will get better.